It would be unrealistic to expect that as a doula, you will never disagree with a client. 

You could land your dream client and find out somewhere down the line that you guys disagree on something major. Does this mean you need to dismiss her as a client? NOT NECESSARILY. 

Before you pack your bags and hit the door running at the first sign of trouble, let’s have an honest chat about riding the waves of doulahood.

In the Birthworker Academy, we have a section all about bias and how important it is to know which tops we stand “above and below the line” on. Denying that we have biases is setting yourself up for failure. 

As a doula, you cannot work on what you will not acknowledge!

It’s okay and important to know where you stand. It’s also important to remember how sacred birth is and to remember that ultimately, it is the mother giving birth who is in charge and calling shots. 

If you commit to being in that space, mom comes first - always.

Your own biases are not the only ones that can come up in the birthplace. Provider biases are real and way more common than any of us wish to be true. 

Knowing where your client stands and defending them when they are being challenged by their provider in a biased situation reinforces that your loyalty and commitment are to your client, not their doctor or midwife.

“But my doula program said never to speak when providers are in the room.”

You know what I say? Screw that. 

Moms hire doulas because they want support. Support doesn't sit in silence and stand witness to obstetric violence. I said what I said!

Do I expect you, the doula, to wrestle the scissors out of a doctor's hands who is ignoring mom’s cries to delay clamping and cutting? That’s up to you but I surely don’t recommend putting yourself in harm’s way.

Using your voice to remind the provider of mom’s preferences and explaining to her exactly what’s going on and when is one surefire way to bring clarity where it may be needed.

However, I do recommend having conversations leading up to the birth about how mom expects you to interfere (or not at all) when her wishes are being tested.

Even for the best doula in the world, failure to prepare is preparing to fail.

Ask the tough questions. Dive deep. Set boundaries and respect them when they are set before you. 

If you approach this with an authentic desire to create transparency and build trust with your clients, that will show. 

There is no way around it, only through. 

So get comfortable having the harder conversations and know that every time you exit your comfort zone, you enter your learning zone!